What an exciting concept, greeting good friends and relatives with kisses on the cheek! I loved every second of it while living in the Netherlands. Three times when you say hello, three times when you say goodbye. Left cheek or right cheek, it doesn’t matter which side you start with first, so long as you alternate between the cheeks.
American prudishness led me to believe that kissing of any kind was for lovers and parents towards their children. In California I usually just go for the bear hug. But regular kisses on the cheek are second-nature to most European cultures as a greeting. (Maybe not the Germans, but they learn quickly). I like it this way.
Soon I’d be doing this as often as I could. When Elske was working behind the bar, I’d prop myself up on the counter just for an extra few on the cheeks.
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Everybody has their own style.
Some people make these loud mwah noises.
Some people follow it up with a hug.
Some people leave it at just that.
You never really know. Sometimes there’s that awkward limbo period while transitioning in-between the cheeks where you try to avoid bumping each others’ noses and lips, so instead each of you jolt your neck backward like a turtle.
Uh, how many kisses again?
When it comes to small talk at a party among international students, the conversation often revolves around differences between everybody’s home culture. This kissing thing is no different. I never know how many times to kiss! you’ll often hear.
With the Dutch it’s almost always three, but the other nations can be more ambiguous. The Spanish go for two, the French go for two to four depending on the region, and so on. So one person will pull away thinking it’s done while the other is left hanging.
And what if the other person doesn’t want any part of this?
(Rule of thumb: if you have to ask, then you probably shouldn’t).
Marc and André, my Friday afternoon drinking partners, said that this three kisses thing was new, and that this never showed up in their generation. Silly kids, they said. André started making the kind of duck faces you’d see on Instagram selfies to make his point clear. Marc said he may as well be a kid.
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I tried giving Mom three kisses when I saw her at the airport after a year abroad, but that just led to a lot of fumbling. Silly me, I’m in a different culture now.