looking for permission from the world

Somewhere down a side street in San Francisco, outside a bar.

Taking life advice from random signposts in the city isn’t the most refined approach to decision-making. But I feel stuck and lost, and will look for any excuse to keep going. You may as well stamp eat-pray-love on my forehead.

~

In her New York Times Modern Love piece, “Looking for Signs That It’s Meant to Be”, Liz Falletta writes:

“Like many people, I tend to write a story in my head about the future of any relationship before it has even begun, which means I’m constantly looking for signs that it’s either meant to be or not. If you’re unsure about a relationship, or unsure about the trajectory of your life in general, you’re more likely to grasp unusual coincidences or circumstances and give them greater weight than they otherwise deserve.”

I think Falletta is right. Would I give as much weight to this sign if I were already doing epic shit and happy with the direction my life is going? Probably not. But I’m a sucker for encouraging words, and I found the sign compelling enough to step through a side street and take a picture.

At best, it’s dorky. At worst, it’s procrastination or self-delusion. Searching for signs (real or imagined) as a way to gauge my progress is an indulgence when I’m scared and uncertain of the world. I’ve done the same by waiting for the approval of mom and dad, friends, and mentors before making big life decisions. In Toy Story, Woody does the same with his Magic 8-Ball.

~

Growing up means holding myself accountable for my own decisions and growth. That means experimenting and taking risks while I am still young, healthy, and unburdened, and it means experimenting and taking risks even when I am old, weary, and worried. Instead of waiting for the perfect conditions to build the kind of life I want, why not start now and just go for it?

Feeling scared is fine, perhaps even helpful. Feeling helpless and sitting frozen is less so.

Author: Wes

Writer, runner, student.

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